Give Me An Intellectual Orgasm First.

Then I might consider letting you physically touch me.

Photo by Ian Dooley on Unsplash.

You’re sexy. You really are. You’ve got everything women look for in a man (from an evolutionary perspective). Big strong arms that can protect me from potential dangers, a fierce look on your face, an unfuckwithable attitude that will intimidate other potential candidates. You’ve got it all. I can only begin to imagine what it would be like having sex with you. Damn! I can already picture myself having your babies or cooking as I await for you, my tough man, to come home from your busy day.

There’s just one minor issue…You’ve left your brains in the gym.

It was all fun and games until I tried to have a mature conversation with you. You laughed because you were lost for words. It was pretty clear to me you didn’t have much (or any) knowledge on that certain topic. And that’s okay, I’m not a “know-it-all” either. So I decided to ask you a more elementary question, like a “does the Earth revolve around the Sun or is it the other way around?” type of question. Your answer was a “I’m the center of the Universe and everything else is irrelevant” type of answer. And that’s when we clashed.

I smiled and said to myself that’s okay. I was only planning on having sex with you, not marrying you. I tried to convince myself it doesn’t matter if you’re smart or if we intellectually click. Except that’s a lie.

You texted me the next day and I was pretty excited. I took my time to come up with a sophisticated reply (but not too sophisticated for your little brain to grasp). You completely ignored it and then started sexting.

When you sext a girl, one of two things can happen: She’s either going to be turned on (I heard that’s as rare as seeing dragons flying around) or she will start ignoring you. In my case, the second scenario played out. And trust me, I really wish I could’ve sexted you back, I just simply couldn’t get myself to do that. And God forbid, I am a very sexual person with a really sexy imagination. The brutal truth is, I wasn’t attracted to you anymore. The lack of intellectual stimulation followed by the way ‘too soon’ sex conversation you were attempting to engage me in just absolutely killed it for me. That’s when I realized you would have to…